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Смешные анекдоты

Сообщений 1 страница 10 из 21

1

— Милая, может, пойдём потусим с друзьями?
— Нет, я дома побуду. Ненавижу людей. Только не принимай на свой счёт, тебя я даже за человека не считаю.



Парень с опозданием пришел на свидание. Девушка сурово говорит:
— Ты опоздал!
— Ты шикарно выглядишь!
— Ты прощен!

Парень своей знакомой говорит:
— Ты мне нравишься, давай встречаться.
— Нет.
— Ну, ты мне, правда, нравишься. Я хочу с тобой романтических отношений.
— Нет.
— Почему ты мне отказываешь? Я тебе совсем не нравлюсь?
— Нравишься, в том то и дело. Не хотелось бы жизнь тебе портить.


Разговаривают два приятеля:
— Ты говорят, недавно женился?
Да вот, надоело по столовкам питаться.
— А сейчас?
А сейчас нравится!

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BENGALURU, Oct 14 (Reuters) - Indian shares may open higher on Friday, taking cues
from Asian peers and overnight gains on Wall
Street, while some nervousness is expected amid ongoing anticipation of higher
interest rates in U.S.
after strong inflation data.

Infosys Ltd, the country's No.2 IT services company, will
aid in providing direction after it posted a bigger-than-expected increase in second-quarter profit, and tightened its full-year revenue growth forecast in an uncertain global environment.

India's NSE stock futures, listed on the Singapore exchange , were up 1.8%, as of 0218 GMT, while MSCI's broadest index of
Asia-Pacific shares outside Japan climbed 2.37%.

The NSE Nifty 50 index settled 0.64% lower at 17,
014.35 on Thursday, and the S&P BSE Sensex fell 0.68% to 57,235.33.

Foreign institutional investors sold net 16.36 billion Indian rupees ($199.09
million) worth of equities on Thursday, while domestic investors bought 7.53 billion rupees worth of shares,
as per provisional data available with the National Stock Exchange.

Stocks to watch:

** Infosys Ltd reported a bigger-than-expected increase in second-quarter profit,
boosted by strong margin growth, and tightened its full-year revenue
growth forecast amid an uncertain global environment.

** Mindtree Ltd posted Sept-quarter consol net profit of 5.09 billion rupees, an increase of 27.5% from the previous year.

** Angel One Ltd reported Sept-quarter consol profit of 2.14 billion rupees, up 59.1% from
a year ago.

** Cyient Ltd reported Sept-quarter consol net profit of 791 million rupees, down nearly 35% from last year.

** NLC India Ltd said it has signed an MoU With Bharat Heavy Electricals Ltd to develop
indigenous technology for lignite gasification.

** Karnataka Bank Ltd said CEO Mahabaleshwara M S to not seek reappointment.

(Reporting by Rama Venkat in Bengaluru; Editing by Neha Arora)

Jamjamāl Iraq (facultyresearch.london.edu)

BENGALURU, Oct 14 (Reuters) - Indian shares may open higher on Friday, taking cues from Asian peers and overnight gains on Wall Street, while some nervousness is expected amid ongoing anticipation of higher interest rates in U.S.

after strong inflation data.

Infosys Ltd, the country's No.2 IT services company, will aid in providing direction after it posted a bigger-than-expected increase in second-quarter profit, and tightened its full-year
revenue growth forecast in an uncertain global environment.

India's NSE stock futures, listed on the Singapore exchange , were up 1.8%, as of 0218 GMT, while
MSCI's broadest index of Asia-Pacific shares outside Japan climbed 2.37%.

The NSE Nifty 50 index settled 0.64% lower at 17,014.35 on Thursday, and the S&P BSE Sensex fell 0.68% to 57,235.33.

Foreign institutional investors sold net 16.36 billion Indian rupees ($199.09 million) worth of equities
on Thursday, while domestic investors bought 7.53 billion rupees worth of shares,
as per provisional data available with the National Stock Exchange.

Stocks to watch:

** Infosys Ltd reported a bigger-than-expected increase in second-quarter profit,
boosted by strong margin growth, and tightened its full-year revenue growth forecast amid an uncertain global environment.

** Mindtree Ltd posted Sept-quarter consol net profit of 5.09 billion rupees, an increase of 27.5% from the previous year.

** Angel One Ltd reported Sept-quarter consol profit of 2.14 billion rupees,
up 59.1% from a year ago.

** Cyient Ltd reported Sept-quarter consol net profit of 791 million rupees, down nearly 35%
from last year.

** NLC India Ltd said it has signed an MoU With Bharat Heavy Electricals Ltd to develop
indigenous technology for lignite gasification.

** Karnataka Bank Ltd said CEO Mahabaleshwara M S to
not seek reappointment.

(Reporting by Rama Venkat in Bengaluru; Editing by Neha Arora)

Jamjamāl Iraq (facultyresearch.london.edu)

Отредактировано Гость (17.10.2022 09:50:12)

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Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and
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can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed
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Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to
see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube
sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

Try Before you Buy 2021

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